A Dream Come True

Have you, as a child, had a vision and decided, then and there, that this is what you were going to be when you grew up? Of course you did and of course it was silly, stop deluding yourself. And of course, whether you like it or not, I'm going to tell you about mine.

I think Fair & Lovely was still new and widely marketed at that time. No, I'm not going to say I wanted to be like this pretty fair girl who lands an air hostess job in the ad. The pretty fair girl was an engineer! She was smartly dressed, wore a helmet and was looking up at a huge new construction, going over the drawings and ordering all the workers around. I wanted to be that girl. I mean, not fair and all, but you must get what I'm saying. Its important.

Oh well, I grew up. I majored in computer science. I realized my life was doomed to sitting in cubicles in air-conditioned rooms with smartly dressed managers ordering me around. My dream was shattered. A desperate attempt to change the course of my career again landed me in a job sitting in cubicles in air-conditioned rooms, this time in a different country. The dream remained beautiful by virtue of it being unfulfilled.

This new cubicle job of mine has this initial honeymoon period when I get to roam around visiting chemical plants in Asia. (Ok I'm trying hard to make it sound cool here, so the least you can do is be awed). Today, I went on my first plant visit. They gave me a pair of safety shoes before they took me on a tour. We have a power shutdown today, they said, the machines are not operating, so no need to wear a helmet. SO close.

When we were just about to leave, my mentor asked me if I had a good look around.

"Yes", I said, "but they couldn't tell me much about the plant being newly constructed."

"Oh then come with me, I'll explain it to you. Better get a helmet from the reception, since construction is going on."

I took out the drawings from my bag, looked up at the 5-storey-high plant from under my helmet, safety shoes on, nodded knowingly as things were being explained and tried asking a few intelligent questions. And at that moment, I was that Fair & Lovely girl. The vision that played in my head for over a decade now, had become reality. At that very moment, all the choices I made in my life up till now seemed perfect. I was that girl.

I was glad to return the helmet and shoes later. I mean, who'd want to stay in those when you can have the comfort of your cubicle in an air-conditioned room?

Home on a Holiday (Part 2) - Of Vows and Goodbyes

Oh well, I'm neither home nor on a holiday anymore. But a series can't be called one unless there are at least two parts in it. So I assure you that this will have all the characteristics of a mandatory sequel.

Hmmm.. Lemme think, I was at home for 3 whole blissful months. What stands out most? Of course, the wedding of one of my closest friends from IIMB, one Mr. Anand Raj Mani a.k.a. Armani, whose conversations with strangers typically start with "What makes you think I care" and end with "Ya right, you wish!", to his college sweetheart Jaya. I don't want to sound corny and break down into a fit of manic wails, so I'll just stop with saying it was one of the happiest weddings I had been to. Which is not saying much since all gult weddings typically involve a lot of dirt and gore. Oh I love weddings!

Alright, I figured that I cannot put THE END here since the post would be too short then. So let me talk about some other things. It was the time when we were all fresh out of college, not necessarily young (no offense to any groom) and looking forward to a whole new corporate world. And the short relapse to sharing rooms, waking each other and dressing up together, was like a 5-minute snooze before waking up. Another round of goodbye hugs. Some gifts (some well thought out and some, well, just bought). Some sugarcake-sucking. A little rain and a few stolen minutes with the precious few you didn't know when you'd meet next. Not to mention, loads of gossip. SO glad I attended this one. I still have a handful of controversial rumors to spread! I mean, I still have loads of ammo for starting conversations and trading 'information'.

So there, the post is now sufficiently long to put an end to it. The Home on a Holiday series shall barely.. er, sorely, be missed.

Home on a Holiday (Part 1) - Midnight Mango

Right. It's been precisely 2 months, 2 weeks and 6 days since I came home. Gosh! Can't believe it's been so long! And I precisely have 2 weeks left. After all the procrastination of 'blogging regularly', here goes my first entry (of hopefully at least a few) in the series.

I have an insomniac aunt staying with us for some time now. Every night, she keeps a banana on her bedside. When it's past midnight and she still hasn't fallen asleep, which is all the time, she gets up, walks around a bit, eats the banana and tries to sleep again. Today, there were no bananas at home.

I was lying down in bed, like just a while ago (it's 1 AM now, if you must know), chatting, facebooking, solitairing and all those useless things, when I finally felt sleepy and closed the laptop.

"Sweetheart, if it's not too much trouble, can you please get me some cut mango from the fridge? There were no bananas today."

Oh sure.

I felt like a darling Indian daughter-in-law. I quickly walked into the kitchen, imagining I'd put the mango pieces on a nice plate and get a nice fork and make it look so delicious that my aunt would fall asleep instantly. Except I couldn't find any cut mango in the refrigerator.

Of course. Mom doesn't like keeping cut mango in the fridge. No worries.

I saw my mom effortlessly peel and cut mangoes everyday every summer since time immemorial. At this point, I am compelled to say, at the risk of diluting the suspense in the story, how the hell does she do it??

So I took the mango, the peeler, the knife and the plate, told myself, piece of cake. Or mango, whatever suits you, and started to peel. The first two tries, the peeler just slipped off without much incident. To the mango. But since I'm human and humans apparently by default have this built-in capability thing of learning or some such, I managed to peel once. And twice. And a few more times after that.

When I was half done (PHEW!), I thought that would do. Half a mango is a lot. And I cut it. The mango looked so yum I had to eat a couple of pieces myself. The plate looked very empty so I was spreading the pieces around a bit when my aunt came looking for me.

Really? Been that long?

"Oh honey I'm so sorry, weren't there mango pieces in the fridge? You could've just told me!"

"No problem, it was nothing atha! Here", and a big darling Indian daughter-in-law smile. Oh I've been watching too much Kyon Ki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi type stuff on TV these days. Damn.

So gist of the story is, cutting mangoes is not as easy as it looks! Especially at midnight. Try it yourself if you don't believe me. Seriously.

Ramblings

Is not expecting, pessimism? That was AmChak’s gtalk status and well, all it takes is a little cue to start wondering... This is a pointless post. As are all of them anyway.

The little joys of life are not such big a deal from a different perspective. Age is not just a number. There is no point “sighing like a furnace” because if we turned back time, we’d all make the same choices all over again. If you’re not smart, you can still get away with creative. Your best friends may always have something more exciting or someone more important in their lives. Love may not be blind. The most dependable person in your life, your anchor, mentor and role model, may not understand or not care so much after all. Things fall apart. God is possibly not fair, and you might not even be the one he’s unfair to. All the sacrifices you made may not even be worth it. You can never tell if you’re popular, or infamous, or plain irksome. Is it confidence or over-optimism? Or simple showing off? Money could buy you everything. And yet, life goes on. It’s easy to delude oneself into believing one is happy. And loved. And wanted. Because for most, life is what happens from an outsider’s point of view, and the self doesn’t really care so much.

Oh well, pessimism can be a highly rewarding way of life.

Exams and Taxes

In an efficient closed university without barriers to entry and barriers to learning, the Exam-Preparation Curve is backward-bending and exams, in general, lead to inefficient outcomes.

There are very few instances in life when you actually get to apply what you learn in the classroom to pressing practical problems. At least in mine. So it is not absolutely nonsense when I write in all my applications and cover letters and about-me passages that my sole purpose in life is to apply classroom theories to real-life problems. I just wish sometimes that I could be more creative at least..

But anyway, the reason for this sudden enthusiasm is that one of those few instances occurred very recently in my life (Amen), thanks to an amazingly theoretical course called Public Economics (or rather, the end of it). If you are able to simplify life to two people (easy if you're in love) and two commodities (easy if you're Gandhi) and selfish motive (easy if you're not Gandhi) and free communication (easy if you're not me), you have aced the course. Sometimes you might have to include the government for tax collection and dissipation purposes. But all this is irrelevant. If you want to understand what I'm saying, you need to understand two rules first:

1. Labour Supply Curve is "backward-bending" - as wage rate reduces, the workers work more to earn the same total wage. But as per-hour wages reduce further, they actually work less since they value an hour's leisure more than the wage they receive by working.

2. Taxes, in general, are inefficient. Because they are distortionary. Because they change one's behavior. That is theory. Add to it the Ramsay Rule - well if you have to tax, do it as efficiently as possible. Tax the ones whose behavior cannot be changed, more.

By analogy, consider a student (Stud) studying for an exam. The more there is for Stud to study, the more he studies. But beyond a threshold amount of study Stud has to study, he will give up and not study. Thus Exam-Preparation Curve (EPC) is backward-bending.

Secondly, if there was no exam, Stud would study even less. So the exam is changing Stud's study patterns. Thus, the exam is distortionary. Implies, exams are inefficient. Apply to this the Ramsay rule (very apt since Ram is what we repeatedly say when the EPC begins to bend backward). Assume there is another student (Very-stud) who is always prepared for the exam. The efficiency rule dictates that Very-stud should have more exams than Stud.

However, just like how the efficiency-vs-equity conflict makes it imperative to have distortionary taxes, the learning for learning's sake-vs-learning for earning's sake conflict makes exams indispensable. The real world has more than two people (you can't be blindly in love for very long) and more than two commodities (well, one has one's needs) and selfish motive and no free communication (I get charged to call you, thank you very much dear Vodafone, now you even ask me for identity proof). But again, all this is irrelevant. The two rules above still hold. Thus, distortionary taxes are still inefficient, as are exams.

I am Stud, therefore I need no exams.

If I were Very-stud, I would still need no exams.

Two Pretty Syllables

This is just so amazing I had to share it!

Pretty - Katie Makkai

Hungry at 5 AM

"It's 4 AM. No point going to sleep now"

"4:40 AM, precisely"

It was early Monday morning. We had just finished submitting a pointless report for a course from the previous term. Don't ask me why we're still at it. That deserves a separate post.

"Okay let's watch a movie and go directly for 8 AM class"

"Makes sense. We can sleep in class"

We spent the next 15 minutes finding and deciding on a movie to watch. And we simultaneously realized - we were super hungry. It was Sunday night (technically Monday morning) so Amul was closed, which meant no room delivery. I went downstairs to find Athicas closed. The Javagreen guy was sleeping. I was warned that trying to wake him up on a Sunday night might result in your being subject to comatose profanities. With not a single source of food available, I decided to go back.

Now Sunday night is that time of the week when one last desperate attempt is made by almost everyone on campus to set their sleep cycle right. Almost everyone. So it was not surprising that when I was walking back, I realized there was not a single human soul anywhere near me. Or even a dog! It was okay, I told myself, it's not a big deal. Just breathe slowly, no need to change the speed at which you're walking, because if something's out there to get you, it'll get you by the time you reach your room anyway. But after I climbed two flights of stairs, I realized that my horizontal displacement was zero. I closed my eyes and thought of all the people I loved. Imagine you're doing this for them, I thought. And ran. And stopped right in front of Deepthi's room and walked in casually. "Nothing's open dude"

There were exactly four people who were not idle in my gtalk list. Ping 1: My3 - "No food babes. Me off to bed!". Ping 2: Ishira - "Sorry, no food :-( ". Ping 3: Nishant - "I have biscuits. Come over" I finally found the will to live again! Yes Nishant, I'll be there right away. But we decided to be comprehensive. Ping 4: Hari sweetheart (coz honey, sugar, sweetheart, baby work very well with Hari) - "I have Goodday".

"Hey Deeps, me going to E block to get food. Why don't you fill the water bottles, look at the beautiful L-square from the B block balcony and wait there for me to come back.."

I took biscuits and namkeen from E 201 and Goodday from E 315 (may the good God bless Nishant and Hari sweetheart and E block in general) and walked back towards B block. I couldn't see anyone in the balcony overlooking L-square.

"Deepthi?"

"Yes baby I'm waiting. Come quickly!"

I did not have to run this time. I walked casually back to the room.

And thus, it was Casablanca time!

Nandi Hills

I had a bad cold. Some people would not like the way I started this post. They would say I was just faking it and trying to get all the attention. It's a sad world! Except for Nandi Hills..

2:30 PM: One random afternoon. All of us there did not have classes the next morning. We decide to visit Nandi hills. It's about a 2-hour ride from Bangalore. The peak is closed until 6 o'clock in the morning.

1:30AM: I just did not understand VG's rationale in unilaterally deciding we all start at 2:30 AM. I-ball had a class in the morning which she was not willing to bunk. It made sense to go to Nandi hills some other day. I tried to reason with him. He was adamant. I tried to be. We called each other names in our own minds.

2:00 AM: I left Madhushala with a whatever!-wake-me-up-whenever-you-wanna-leave.

3:15 AM: "LAUNDE! DD! Wake up!!", VG was banging on our doors. I woke up feeling feverish. I opened my door and DD was telling VG, "Dude I have a BAD headache!". Obviously, I said, "And I have fever :(" And not surprisingly, VG said, "Chal chal, no one's backing out now. I-ball is also coming. Get ready! We need to leave by 3:30".

3:45 AM: Over-sized super-warm jacket. Tissues for my running nose. Scarf to keep me warmer (actually more like back-up in case I ran out of tissues). Extra cold cream. Camera. Shoes. I was good to go.

3:50 AM: 3 bikes and 1 car. Optimal decisions on who gets the bikes, the window seats, the driver's seat, etc were made based on constraints like who has car-sickness, who has a cold, who has a driver's license, who has goggles, who needs to catch a flight.. oh hell, we just did an FCFS.

4:30 AM: Sirajuddhin Singh couldn't see the bump on the road in the darkness, again. "DUDEEEE!", we all shouted in unison as the car landed on the road and the non-existent shock-absorbers moaned. And immediately corrected ourselves with, "Hey chill no prob", "Happens dude, no issues", "It's alright, we understand it was dark"..

5:30 AM: After losing our way a couple of times, we were on the ghat. The refreshing smell of the eucalyptus greeted us and lifted our spirits. The mist kept getting thicker and thicker. At times, the tops of the tall trees on either sides of the road got lost in the fog. We spotted some monkeys on the way. Incidentally, Bhanu told us how, as a kid, he used to get slapped by a monkey.

5:45 AM: We reached the top and realized after looking at the long queue, it was Id. Holiday. People here, people there. People everywhere. So much for deciding to go today.

6:00 AM: The best part of a foggy public spot is that you never know how many strangers are there around you. We realized it was not going to be that bad after all. And I also realized, my cold was gone! Just like that, it was gone!

And we start walking up. We took a few pics of Dhal saab with his inside-the-pocket "Yo". There was a notice which said - "No sitting or standing on the walls". We took a few snaps standing and sitting on the wall. And a couple hanging from the stone arches. Bhargav was invariably hiding in all the pics. DD and Bhanu wanted a jumping pic when they were in the air. We took a video instead. And we took more pics. Of trees. Of funny notice boards. Of top-load and bottom-load trash cans. Of random poses. Of the fog condensing on eyelashes. Of creepy draculas. Of wannabes. Of the fog. Of walking into nothing. Of the valley. Of the hills. Of the beautiful beautiful trees. And then when we had enough, we decided to leave. I-ball had a class to attend too! Well that was just a lame reason. We all knew she wouldn't make it.

11:45 AM: Back to where I belonged. I had a long hot shower. And my cold was back. Weird, the way some things work in life..

So the trip that I was so reluctant to go on turned out to be so much fun. Thank you guys for making it so memorable! Especially, in the order of FCCBs owned, I-ball for bunking class to come along with us, VG for completely disregarding the claim that we were unwell and forcing us to come, Sirajuddhin Singh for being awesome behind the wheel, Dhall saab for being the cool dude, DD and Bhanu for the awesome 1-2-3 jumping video (here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RpAqfafI2w), Eda for the car (we so wished you also had come along), Bhargav for disappearing in all the photos and giving a freaky "The Ring" feeling, Kshitiz for being the little boy who slept and Hema for his vision for scripting the future!

Random I

Today, I woke up early for class. I showered, wore a neatly pressed cotton shirt, put my books in my bag, slipped on my new sandals, locked my room and went to the canteen. After breakfast, there was still some more time left. I felt like I was trying too hard, though I didn't know for what. It almost felt claustrophobic. I went back to my room, changed into an over-sized t-shirt, took one class notes in my hand, slipped on my bathroom slippers and went running to class without locking my door. It felt a lot better.

I wonder what is so appealing about nonchalance and disorder..

How many consultants does it take to pop a bottle of champagne?

Another consultant gets a PPO. This time I-ball decided to snub the guys and pop the champagne to celebrate her success with us. Yayyy we loveee you Ishira! And long live the consultants :)

Anyone who giggles at the cork lines shall be branded forever as a pervert.

The official photographer aka Baldilocks who happens to be a banker and also happens to be an expert in popping champagne bottles decided to stand back and watch the fun as we tried. We all tried our hand at pulling the cork out, mostly in vain. And when it finally did pop, ran helter skelter to stay away from the spewing white foam. Then of course, we all drank to the health our host.

Ishira - She took the first swig as we all cheered on. "Thank you! Hey what happened to my voice??", she squeaked. And after the bottle did a couple of rounds, she finished it bottoms up. She never stopped complaining about her voice. In her frustration, went and started hugging all the pillars on B-first. She found one near the staircase that seemed to be most comfortable and settled there.

Deepthi - First time, she smelled the bottle, wrinkled her nose and passed it on. Second time, very very carefully, she let one drop of the liquor fall into her mouth. Her entire body tensed and she twisted and nearly dropped the bottle. Third time around, she decided to be bold and took a sip. She writhed in pain. She was choking. She put her hand on her throat and groaned, "My stomach! It burns! Someone gimme some water!"

And we took some more pics. Talked about the alcohol content in champagne. We decided the effects wrought on DD and IBall could be explained. Someone suggested the cork be put back in its place. Everybody remembered CCS and dispersed.

DD found her way to the pillar IBall was stuck to and she too settled down there. You may still be able to find them hugging the pillar together when you come up the stairs.

PS: The blog title is a googly. They just cannot.

Is Facebook the Stupid Idiot?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDHb4wewAIQ

I couldn't help myself. This is in response to all the Facebook-bashing going on out there by the really cool facebookers who think their lives have been made miserable by other "senseless" facebookers. All the creative segmentation of FB users into N hilarious types of users is of course fun, I love it too. But I'd just like to take a step back and remind them all, there are three options that FB provides to all its users, unconditionally and irrevocably, in decreasing order of severity -

Option - 1: Delete

Option - 2: Untag

Option - 3: Ignore

First up, if you don't want to have fun, there is something called LinkedIn. Here's the link: http://www.linkedin.com/. It's becoming really popular, I hear. And it serves the same purpose as FB, sans all the Farmville and the who's-gonna-slap-you-today quizzes and the haha-I-beat-you-in-the-smartest-way-to-sip-your-soup contests. Go for it!

So let's see, what do we always crib about?

Random status updates - I am assuming that if you're adding someone as your "friend", you know that person. If you're adding people randomly (coz it's oh-so-cool to have so many friends on FB) and complaining about someone kicking you with a virtual shoe, you're a moron. Don't even bother reading any further. Now, if you're not interested in knowing that someone ate blueberry pie for breakfast or wore stilettos to last night's party, there is something very simple that you have to do - option 3 - IGNORE. No one is asking you to check your FB wall every half an hour and like/comment on/like someone's comment/comment that you dislike every status update/photo that appears there.

Tagging - Ever heard of people untagging themselves? There are people who add relatives/bosses/colleagues on FB. Fine, your call. But stop whining when someone tagged a pic of you passed out on the footpath or posted a status update on how you threw up on the waiter last night. Please refer to option 2 above. On a more cruel note, if you don't want to be found doing something, don't do it! Simple.

Quizzes - I think they're fun! If you don't agree, see option 3.

Stalkers - Come on now, lets not flatter ourselves. They are just people like everyone with the obsessive compulsive urge to comment on everything FB posts on their wall. And I thought you posted something so that the world knows about it anyway..

Farmville - Somehow, the people who whine the most about getting bugged by this are the ones who check FB for updates every half an hour and are the promptest to reply to posts. Others don't care enough to do a market segmentation of facebook users. I find that puzzling, and even a little disturbing. If someone is your friend, accept (read ignore) the fact that they are obsessed with farmville or random quizzes or whatnot. You got tagged in an app that finds the biggest imbecile on FB? At the cost of sounding repetitive, refer to the three options above.

So all the smartass FB-critics all around, if you're wasting your "precious" time liking comments on FB or getting tagged and becoming scandalous revelations to nosy cousins or bugging yourself over somebody's exploits in mafia/you-are-my-sweetheart-of the-day quizzes, there is only one person to blame - you. Period.

Chronicles of a Lounge Undone

They say all good things come to an end. This one never even fully began. Sigh..

We had wanted to make a lounge between the B and C blocks in our hostel for a long time now. By the end of the summer, I was so excited by it that I even started posting on Facebook that we're going to make the BC Lounge as soon as college starts. For the first 2 weeks after we were back, the only thing on our minds was the lounge. I never saw so much single-minded dedication in such a large group of people. We even had a shared googledoc by the name BC Lounge for keeping track of expenses.

We decided that it was going to be a happy lounge. It was going to be bright and colorful and a place where we could sit and drink coffee while it rains or enjoy the sunshine with a nice book. Some hard-core filter coffee fan (read tam (read DJ)) even suggested a coffee vending machine. It was going to be made from scratch, including the "table". Several trips were made to Jayanagar and hardware stores to get curtains and bedspreads and cushions and what-not. We decided it was going to have transparent blinds which serve the dual purpose of keeping the rain away and making it bright during the day. We used to imagine how awesome it would look with the raindrops on the transparent sheets in the night lights. We were going to have a grand inaugural party with everyone we knew and lotsa cheese-burst pizza (and filter coffee)...

Of course there were pitfalls and idiosyncrasies and idiocies. We couldn't get transparent sheets so we had bought transparent table cloths to stitch them together to make the blinds. We found one friendly tailor who had a lot to talk, could not tell that 6 feet is 72 inches, made it very clear that he thought our idea was ridiculous but nonetheless had a somewhat endearing demeanor and took up the challenge with such determination it re-instilled my faith in the inherent goodness of human nature. He later made a couple of distress calls frantically saying it was impossible to stitch them together to make such a large blind. DD was understanding and suave and persuasive and convinced him to make one anyway. But he was adamant about not stitching the other one. We decided that that window would be left open for the breeze.

We needed curtain rods to hang the blinds. They had to be 12 feet long. We did not think about how to carry them to the campus until after we bought them and were about to hail an auto. I-ball was bold enough to talk to the auto guy, hold the 12-feet curtain rods vertically on the side of the auto, ignore intrusive glances from everyone on the road, not give in to the pain when the rods hit the high branches of the trees by the road (and sent a shower of falling leaves behind us) and all the time converse in the most natural fashion while I tried slinking into one corner of the auto and disappear and cursed the one who came up with the idea of the lounge. Once back on campus, we did not have to take the stairs to carry them upstairs - one of us just went up and took the standing rods from below.

One day, after some serious GD about the lounge, I said something on the lines of "Yayy the BC lounge is going to be ready soon!" which drew a lot of scandalized glares and someone shouted, "For GOD's sake, will you PLEASE stop calling it the BC lounge?!?" It was then that it dawned on us that it was high time we give a name to the lounge. It was the most hilarious discussion I was ever a part of. We came up with names from Caravan to Car to Garage to Beetle to Shoe to Pumpkin to just The Lounge. Other out-of-the-box suggestions worth mentioning - Strapless, Victorious Secret, The Marsh (as home to Schnappy the cute Alligator), How We Met Each Other, Country Bumpkins Lounge (CB Lounge), Harlem (from one uncle), Whats-up lounge and Day-glo. The Burrow came up a little late and was first shot down the way every suggestion was shot down with inexplicable vengeance. It was only when Teju let everyone know that Manasa was going to stand in the middle of the road till a bus hit her unless we make peace that things settled down and we zeroed in on The Burrow, thanks to Johari.

We had to put several night-outs to set things up. We even painted the "table" ourselves. It looks really nice in the pic (inset), but I can't say the same about it in reality. But we hadn't taken into the account the most fatal issue - dogs. We tried everything to keep them away, including naphthalene balls, but settled to keeping everything covered under old flexi banners. We did not want to formally inaugurate the lounge until we found a permanent solution to this problem. We were considering more cruel methods like pepper or DDT to keep them away. But meanwhile, someone complained about lounges in the hostel. There was going to be an inspection. They dismantled everything and locked it up in A-213. That is where everything still lies, undone. Sigh..

Summer Internship '10

"Joey: Here's your ticket.

Chandler: Thanks. Hey, listen, I'm never gonna lie to you again. And i want you to know that nobody thinks you're stupid.

[Chandler looks at ticket and turns around]

Joey: Thanks, man. Hey, where you going?

Chandler: Game is tomorrow night, man."

Hong Kong is an awesome place to live. I had the time of my life during my two months of internship there. You are usually torn between where you wanna go, the hills or the sea. HK is a place that has both. And more - a clean city, convenient means of transportation, exciting hang-out places, the ferry, the peak, the brilliant skyline, shopping, Macau. And I had an awesome bunch of people to hang out with.

Okay enough praise for HK, let's get down to business.

o Size - Starbucks had a promo saying, "Choose your size!". It reminded me of Bebo's size zero and I said, "How I wish we really could..".

Armani, "You can right, that's what they said".

"No I meant, choose your own size"

"Huh?"

"YOUR size"

"What are you saying??!!"

"No no not THAT size!"

Kush - "What the hell are you guys talking about?!?!"

"Heyyy I meant your SIZE! Like.. like waist size.. and height! and -"

"That's so not what you meant! Pervert!"

"No, YOU are one! You went too far and -"

"YOU were the one who -"

.. and it still goes on ..

o Strip club - We were walking back home after dinner one weekend and I see a strip club signboard.

"Hey has anyone been to a strip club before?"

"Why? Do you want to go?"

"No! I was just asking -"

"I know you want to go, you can tell us"

"Hey no! I was just curious -"

"Nothing wrong in being curious, just say you wanna go"

"NO! I DON'T wanna go. I was just -"

"You've changed! Never knew you'd be interested in these kind of things :)"

"Hey for God's sake! I didn't -"

"Haha, Jyo, first Asahi, now this!"

"Asahi was for purely academic reasons!"

"So when are you going?"

"I give up"

And I still didn't get the answer to my first question.

o Airport Express - You think you're careless and unorganized and scatterbrained all the time? Okay listen to this. It was a random country. It was in a metro station. We checked in the airport express for the flight back home. We left our baggage trolleys randomly lying around near the escalator and were pretty impressed by the quick 30-minute express to the airport. We even took a lot of pictures. When I got off, I looked for my boarding pass and passport. And I realize, the boarding pass and the poassport were lying around in the random trolley I had left behind at the escalator. Some kind soul found it and Cathay Pacific sent it to the airport by the next express. It meant 30 minutes less for our last-minute duty free shopping. In his mind's eye, Puneeth imagined I would be hanging around in HK for a few more days, at best. I wonder why such a thought never even crossed my mind. The only thing I was worried about was the unconverted HKD which I might not be able to spend shopping at the airport. When you're young and the whole world lies in front of you with all its possibilities and opportunities, you think nothing can ever go wrong. Sigh...

o AquaLuna - It's an amazing traditional chinese junk boat. When you go to Hong Kong, DON'T miss it. I did. The website said the schedule was "21:45 22:45", not "from 21:45 to 22:45". We were so excited when we arrived at the pier on our last night in HK at 22:40 hrs. The rest, they say, is despondency. The depression led to a binge in LKF that night.

o The bus ride - I was very excited by the way I had become one of those people who regularly use public transport and know all the numbers of buses which go from anywhere to everywhere. Swetha, Pradeep and I had gone shopping, by bus. Swetha was very hungry and wanted to take the taxi back so we could cook and eat hot rice, pappu and karampodi. But I, the knowledgeable one, said that there's a direct bus which would drop us right in front of Bishop Lei. So we take the bus and it takes us really close to Bishop Lei.

.

.

Swetha: Jyo we're pretty close, I think we should get off here..

Me: Hey no, it'll stop right in front of Bishop Lei, we'll know

.

we pass a lot of familiar streets

Me: See, we're on the right way

we pass more streets..

.

.

Swetha: Jyo I'm hungry

Me: Hey we're almost there

.

.

The bus was almost empty. We reached some petrol bunk kinda place

Swetha: Heyyy this is the last stop!

Me: No, he's just getting petrol, then we'll go to Bishop Lei

Pradeep: No Jyo, this is the last stop

And the bus driver gave us a look that had a sinister finality to it. We got off and took a taxi back. Looked like we had long crossed the beloved Bishop Lei..

But I still wonder why the guy parked the bus in a petrol bunk..

o Agave, Lan Kwai Fung (LKF) - There was a super senior (pun intended) who was buying drinks for everyone. Armani was, as usual, being grandfatherly. And talli. Placecom stories (read jokes) were flying around - Puneeth did not seem to mind. Rathee was singing hymns for culcom. Swetha and Pradeep were being the sane people. Sunny wanted to run away, but there was a group of tall guys around him not letting him go. He was pleading, he was saying it wasn't fair to someone. Manav was trying to trick people into taking extra Anusmaran merchandise with them. Kush was celebrating being the alpha. I looked at my watch, for a long time. I said, "It's one thirty exactly. let's leave by two thirty". Pradeep, the sane one, said, "It's two o'clock Jyo".

o Back home - Kush had a flight to Ahmedabad at 5:40 am. On reaching Mumbai, we go to the incredibly slow baggage claim area (I mean, INCREDIBLY slow) and switch on our cell phones. I look at the time and get really worried, "Kush it's 4:40! You'll be late!". Kush, coolly - "That's HK time Jyo".

And of course people say they still love me..

Oh Baby! (Part II)

PROLOGUE

When I wrote Part I, I had no clue that I was going to write a Part II. Call it divine providence or the latent knowledge that infant-power is immense, and unshakable as one might be, there are always short periods of doubt. I wavered..

LOGUE

Popu is one plus, I guess. You can find him in the mess watching Cartoon Network while his mother fed him. He's one of the cutest people I've ever seen. But he is an infant. So I tend to maintain my distance. Alas, I'm human, and yes, I wavered.

So the other day, I was having lunch with Priyanka and watching MTV when Popu came with his mother and sat next to me. The channel obviously changes to CN. Fond as I am of cartoons, I seriously considered going and eating somewhere else. But I decided to stay and have fun, for a change. He was soon completely engrossed in the cartoon in which huge colorful robots were blasting each other up. Finding this very funny, I turned to Priyanka and said, "Look at him! I'm sure he doesn't understand a thing. Watch".

I turned to him and asked, very slowly and very clearly, "What's going on there?"

It was a bold move. He did not even look at me. I turned back to Priyanka and said, "See!"

Suddenly, I felt him pulling at my hand. I turned to him (phew). He said, "Robo! bam bam bam baaaam", with waving hands and wide, perturbed eyes. And then continued to watch. Priyanka and I went, "Awwww.. So cuteeee!" During the ads, he even showed me his drawing book, with his mouth stuffed with food. I was starry-eyed for the rest of the afternoon.

I later sat down to think how I had become capable of despising such cute, innocent and totally adorable kids. I went as far as my memory would allow and the painful incident was not difficult to zero in on. I was twelve. A bunch of cousins and I were sitting around a one-year old and he was going around hugging and kissing everyone. I cannot believe I took part is such a silly ritual. When my turn came, he just turned away! I called him and very enthusiastically said, "Me too! Me too!" He came back and slapped me. And of course, everyone was laughing till they cried.

Traumatic as the experience had been, it opened my eyes to a very important and understated fact - putting up with kids is hell. They are definitely cute - from a distance. Adorable - I don't think so! You see a couple walking hand-in-hand like all the happiness in the world belongs to them. And then do you wonder why they become this other couple which is having hell with their baby while trying to have a simple DBC? Socially, they probably believe it's their responsibility to give back to the society, since they too had been kids once. But this is definitely not helping check population growth! Scientifically, they probably want to propagate their superior jeans. But come on, everyone has jeans. Spiritually, perhaps the child is a symbol of their love and bonding. So they give up on 20-30 years of marital bliss, to be a happy (old) couple once again at sixty. Guess that's life; too much philosophy for me to ponder over.

The twelve-year-old-jyo keeps popping up in my head every now and then saying, "Avenge me!" But that one-year-old has grown up. There is nothing much I can do about existing kids. So I appease her by teasing kids by challenging their "intellectual abilities". God, some kids think they are so smart! Duh!!

EPILOGUE

I love how I signed off Part I. So I repeat: This is what they do - they wreak havoc in your life in myriad ways and leave you no choice but to bear them with love. Even the thought of revenge is blasphemy! No wonder a baby is god's way of saying the world should go on.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! :)

Holidays!

The term has finally come to an end. So many little things make these one of the most eventful three-months of my life. And here are some of the highlights - some funny, some profound (ahem) and some outright embarrassing (not just for me).

Caution: There is boring gory detail

Dedication: Shalini Jhall (who wanted it so)

Inspiration: Ishira's post about her life at IIMB (not the graphic one) :-)

Realization: Apparently I've put on weight!

Introspection: It was a great term!

Procrastination: is not the only thief of time (facebook is a strong contender)

1. The "quick" dinner - This is totally embarrassing. Because (I can't imagine how or why I did that) I chose to spend my Friday night doing MPPO project instead of going to B-Flat with some friends. I first said no and thought about how I was missing such a great opportunity. So I said yes and got really jittery about 'all the work'. So I said no again but was devastated. So my EB roomies said we should go out for a quick dinner to Potluck, right opposite the campus gate. So when we entered, I felt an indescribable (for propriety's sake) odor take me by surprise. Don't know why we didn't just leave - we went to the corner-most table and started arguing over who should take the corner-most seat. The couple nearby said that it was not a great table since there was a rat there just a moment ago. The next moment we were back on the beautiful street and a visibly shaken Deepthi was saying, "A rat BIT me once!". We went to Status (also opposite the campus) and ordered veg. manchurian. Shalini, the vegetarian, took the first bite and it turned out to be chicken manchurian. So we took an auto to Adigas (which is also very close to the campus). We requested the waiter for extra 'gun powder' (kaaram podi) which Nutan promptly inhaled. She could effectively not eat anything later. And I don't blame her for ordering banana split in the last minute and declaring, "I don't like banana so much".

2. Unmaad - Pure fun. Was on stage during the Shankar-Esaan-Loy show. Loved painting L^2 (picture). I still have some paint-stained resumes which I was showing around to seniors (one of whom fell asleep while talking to me) for suggestions till 3 am that day :-) Ah, we had put so much fight for the summer placements. Which takes us to the next big event..

3. Summers - The run-up to which made me fall hopelessly in love with all the PGP2s! Everyone had all the time for resume tips, mock interviews and all the inspirational, motivational pep talk :-) I wouldn't call them the best days of my life, what with having to wake up at six everyday for five days in a row. But the follow-up was just awesome! It started with an amazing L^2 party and ended with an entire week of joblessness. And Sailu was with me during the placements. Which brings us to the next point..

4. Sailu - She was with me during the placements and I thought I was going to be so torn between being with her and being at the reception. But she made life so easy for me by blissfully sleeping in my room all day - I would like to believe so, at least. She claims she couldn't sleep but she took forever to open the door when I knocked so I'm happy. And to say that the long girl-talk we had outside the insti library into the wee hours life-changing would be nothing short of an understatement (courtesy Harikumar, MPPO presentation)

5. Snow - I was going to crash one afternoon when Vivek called from Pittsburgh and shouted, "Jyo! It's snowing!"

"Wow Vivek, that's awesome!"

"I know!"

"Ya.. Cool.."

"Umm.."

"So.."

"I don't have anything else to say"

"Me neither"

"Okay then, bye Jyo"

"Bye Vivek"

That just made my day!

6. Group hug - I knocked Deepthi/Shalini's room and Deepthi opened. She looked straight into my eyes. And hugged me. And didn't let go. For a long time. And just when I thought it was getting weird, Nutan came. And looked aghast. "What's going on!?" Deepthi gave her her trademark rabbit smile. And Nutan came closer. And hugged us both from behind. That was the most beautiful group-hug ever. And it was for absolutely no reason.

Looking forward to two weeks of complete joblessness!

PS: I'm making myself a gift for my birthday and it's going to be a surprise for you!

zzzzZZZZ

PROLOGUE

"I am not going to sleep in today's class."

"You don't sound like that", said Ishira.

I knew my voice gave too much away. I had woken up just a few minutes back. I cleared my throat and said, "But I am NOT going to sleep in today's class. I am going to put CP; I read the case and came."

Still the same voice. I took my water bottle and sipped a little water. "You'll see, I will not sleep today", I whispered just before the class started. I told myself Marketing is my favorite course. And looked at the professor.

Yikes!

I saw Ishira glaring at me, before turning away and raising her hand to put her CP, lest the TA catch her talking to me. But why was there Yikes? Took me a while to rewind and realize she had punched me in the shoulder. In waking moments, everything happens in slow-motion and reverse-direction. Resentment spread into every inch of my body and threatened to squirt venom through each nerve ending. I realized (very slowly) that violence was not the way out. But I was not clever enough not to look at the professor again.

CHAPTER O (because this is not a chapter)

I was voted the zzz.. Globe of section B (meaning the smartest person in the section because he/she doesn't waste time sleeping in the room or listening in the class). In my defense, I happen to be sitting at the centroid of the class; whenever I wake up, I see so many people sleeping. Poor smart people, I get all the credit.

CHAPTER O (because this is also not a chapter)

".. is called Comparative Advantage. Because Ricardo can be compared to a green plumaged bird flying over the blue seas... Yikes!"

I did a sanity check on my sanity. The Ishira glare was boring into me. I easily resisted the urge to punch her back. I turned to Karan and woke him up. And tried taking notes.

CHAPTER O (this is a lesson)

Today's class was special. We practiced Supply Chain Management even while the professor tried teaching it to us. Karan would tap on my chair. I open my eyes and see him looking at Ishira. I punch Ishira in her shoulder. This is called Bullwhip effect. Sometimes, Ishira would wake me up instead. This is Pull (opposite of the usual Push). We sometimes look at other people sleeping and laugh. This is Kaizen.

I apologize for the jargon. Couldn't reign in my enthusiasm after having learnt the practical aspects of the course so well.

CHAPTER O (well, you know...)

It's amazing the kinds of things men can get used to (courtesy Arundhati Roy). I opened my eyes and saw BP laughing at me. I smiled back at him and looked around. I was surprised at the absence of the resentment. I woke Ishira up to keep her from snoring. Meanwhile, the professor woke somebody else. The somebody else was lucky that day for a change.

EPILOGUE

The battle rages within me, day in and day out - to sleep or not to sleep. And of course, when to sleep. Until I find the strength in me to make that decision, I need to find it in me to accept it when people wish me Good night before a class and Good morning after.

For those not in sec B, Ishira sits to my right, Karan to my left and BP sits (and sleeps) across the class. Thank you Ishira and Karan, for trying to keep me up in classes :-)

I Can Never Leave

When I left the insti for the 'last' time after finally finishing my thesis and leaving the mundane technicalities of settling the hostel and other dues to my unfortunate friends, I felt nothing. It was like going home for vacation. I made sure I met everyone before leaving. And yet, it never did hit me that I was indeed leaving for good.

A couple of months later, I was back. On the way to the campus, I noted that the hoardings were teaming with the enigmatic DOCOMO signs and the flyover on the Cenotaph Road was close to completion. How fast places change, I thought, wondering how difficult it must be for NRIs to come to terms with change when they're home. The entrance to the campus had a huge board welcoming us to the 46^th Convocation of IIT Madras. Everything else was just the same; and this was more difficult to digest than the differences. I realized that I was an outsider in the place I called home for four years. And the place was just the same without me.

But as I met my friends and profs, and the day wore on, I realized that those four years of my life had taught me so many things and got me so close to some people that I couldn’t ask for more. And though my room was somebody else’s, or I was a guest in the mess, or I couldn’t use the DCF anymore, this place still was home. The long (and oh-so-walkable!) road to the main gate, the colourful GC, the bustling bus stop, the gentle rustling of the unnumbered trees, the gleaming eyes of the black buck, the chirping of the sleepless birds, all seemed to welcome me with arms wide open. It was not easy to leave this time, and I knew at once that I’ll never stop belonging here. This is home, forever.

I left with a vague sense of relief and excitement. This trip seemed to clearly mark a new beginning in my life; I was at the threshold of a whole new phase – a different place, a different culture, new faces and new challenges, and more lessons; but with the bolster of my alma mater behind me.