Oh Baby! (Part II)

PROLOGUE

When I wrote Part I, I had no clue that I was going to write a Part II. Call it divine providence or the latent knowledge that infant-power is immense, and unshakable as one might be, there are always short periods of doubt. I wavered..

LOGUE

Popu is one plus, I guess. You can find him in the mess watching Cartoon Network while his mother fed him. He's one of the cutest people I've ever seen. But he is an infant. So I tend to maintain my distance. Alas, I'm human, and yes, I wavered.

So the other day, I was having lunch with Priyanka and watching MTV when Popu came with his mother and sat next to me. The channel obviously changes to CN. Fond as I am of cartoons, I seriously considered going and eating somewhere else. But I decided to stay and have fun, for a change. He was soon completely engrossed in the cartoon in which huge colorful robots were blasting each other up. Finding this very funny, I turned to Priyanka and said, "Look at him! I'm sure he doesn't understand a thing. Watch".

I turned to him and asked, very slowly and very clearly, "What's going on there?"

It was a bold move. He did not even look at me. I turned back to Priyanka and said, "See!"

Suddenly, I felt him pulling at my hand. I turned to him (phew). He said, "Robo! bam bam bam baaaam", with waving hands and wide, perturbed eyes. And then continued to watch. Priyanka and I went, "Awwww.. So cuteeee!" During the ads, he even showed me his drawing book, with his mouth stuffed with food. I was starry-eyed for the rest of the afternoon.

I later sat down to think how I had become capable of despising such cute, innocent and totally adorable kids. I went as far as my memory would allow and the painful incident was not difficult to zero in on. I was twelve. A bunch of cousins and I were sitting around a one-year old and he was going around hugging and kissing everyone. I cannot believe I took part is such a silly ritual. When my turn came, he just turned away! I called him and very enthusiastically said, "Me too! Me too!" He came back and slapped me. And of course, everyone was laughing till they cried.

Traumatic as the experience had been, it opened my eyes to a very important and understated fact - putting up with kids is hell. They are definitely cute - from a distance. Adorable - I don't think so! You see a couple walking hand-in-hand like all the happiness in the world belongs to them. And then do you wonder why they become this other couple which is having hell with their baby while trying to have a simple DBC? Socially, they probably believe it's their responsibility to give back to the society, since they too had been kids once. But this is definitely not helping check population growth! Scientifically, they probably want to propagate their superior jeans. But come on, everyone has jeans. Spiritually, perhaps the child is a symbol of their love and bonding. So they give up on 20-30 years of marital bliss, to be a happy (old) couple once again at sixty. Guess that's life; too much philosophy for me to ponder over.

The twelve-year-old-jyo keeps popping up in my head every now and then saying, "Avenge me!" But that one-year-old has grown up. There is nothing much I can do about existing kids. So I appease her by teasing kids by challenging their "intellectual abilities". God, some kids think they are so smart! Duh!!

EPILOGUE

I love how I signed off Part I. So I repeat: This is what they do - they wreak havoc in your life in myriad ways and leave you no choice but to bear them with love. Even the thought of revenge is blasphemy! No wonder a baby is god's way of saying the world should go on.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! :)

Oh Baby! (Part I)

Kids are scary. Robin Scherbatsky was the only enlightened one among a bunch of ignorants carried away by cute smiles and tiny socks. This weekend trip visiting my infant cousins made me see kids for what they are.

I boarded the flight having nice thoughts about the weekend. I was excited. A two-year-old and her mother were sitting next to me. As soon as she saw me, she shouted in her shrill voice "Haa Pee-Kee". She says, "Hi Pinki", her mother explained. Wow, so sweet. The plane took off when she was playing with the seat belt. And that was when it all started. It started at a bearable pitch but after a few seconds, I nearly jumped off my seat for her every wail. And she kept it going with such inspiring tenacity that, had I been deaf, my heart would have melted. She wanted the windows opened. Really? I don't mean to brag but if I have grown out of such featherheadedness, it wasn't learning or even evolution, it's a divine miracle. And the cynics need not worry about the threat of AI; such learning can never be simulated. For god's sake, it's not a car! She puked into the air-sickness bag and spilled water on her seat to spice things up a little more. After a long one hour, everything stopped. It was as abrupt as the touch down. I needed to run out of the airport to let some fresh cool air help the ringing in my ears. I never felt more liberated, more so thinking about the girl's mother

Of course, my cousins too warrant a page each in my blog but I'm going easy on them. One, they are my cousins. Two, they are so complicated. But here's some advice for you. Don't ever try to lift a baby too high up - it tries to climb higher and finally puts its foot right on your face and you'll be so lost and confused you'll nearly drop it (nearly, let's be clear on that). Don't plan on going to a movie with an infant's mother. It knows everything and will never let her go. Murphy's law applies here too! Don't say some kid is cute, the others will stop treating you well. And finally, get rid of that stupid misconception that kids are oh-so-sweet and totally desirable.

This is what they do - they wreak havoc in your life in myriad ways and leave you no choice but to bear them with love. Even the thought of revenge is blasphemy! No wonder a baby is god's way of saying the world should go on.