Oh Baby! (Part II)

PROLOGUE

When I wrote Part I, I had no clue that I was going to write a Part II. Call it divine providence or the latent knowledge that infant-power is immense, and unshakable as one might be, there are always short periods of doubt. I wavered..

LOGUE

Popu is one plus, I guess. You can find him in the mess watching Cartoon Network while his mother fed him. He's one of the cutest people I've ever seen. But he is an infant. So I tend to maintain my distance. Alas, I'm human, and yes, I wavered.

So the other day, I was having lunch with Priyanka and watching MTV when Popu came with his mother and sat next to me. The channel obviously changes to CN. Fond as I am of cartoons, I seriously considered going and eating somewhere else. But I decided to stay and have fun, for a change. He was soon completely engrossed in the cartoon in which huge colorful robots were blasting each other up. Finding this very funny, I turned to Priyanka and said, "Look at him! I'm sure he doesn't understand a thing. Watch".

I turned to him and asked, very slowly and very clearly, "What's going on there?"

It was a bold move. He did not even look at me. I turned back to Priyanka and said, "See!"

Suddenly, I felt him pulling at my hand. I turned to him (phew). He said, "Robo! bam bam bam baaaam", with waving hands and wide, perturbed eyes. And then continued to watch. Priyanka and I went, "Awwww.. So cuteeee!" During the ads, he even showed me his drawing book, with his mouth stuffed with food. I was starry-eyed for the rest of the afternoon.

I later sat down to think how I had become capable of despising such cute, innocent and totally adorable kids. I went as far as my memory would allow and the painful incident was not difficult to zero in on. I was twelve. A bunch of cousins and I were sitting around a one-year old and he was going around hugging and kissing everyone. I cannot believe I took part is such a silly ritual. When my turn came, he just turned away! I called him and very enthusiastically said, "Me too! Me too!" He came back and slapped me. And of course, everyone was laughing till they cried.

Traumatic as the experience had been, it opened my eyes to a very important and understated fact - putting up with kids is hell. They are definitely cute - from a distance. Adorable - I don't think so! You see a couple walking hand-in-hand like all the happiness in the world belongs to them. And then do you wonder why they become this other couple which is having hell with their baby while trying to have a simple DBC? Socially, they probably believe it's their responsibility to give back to the society, since they too had been kids once. But this is definitely not helping check population growth! Scientifically, they probably want to propagate their superior jeans. But come on, everyone has jeans. Spiritually, perhaps the child is a symbol of their love and bonding. So they give up on 20-30 years of marital bliss, to be a happy (old) couple once again at sixty. Guess that's life; too much philosophy for me to ponder over.

The twelve-year-old-jyo keeps popping up in my head every now and then saying, "Avenge me!" But that one-year-old has grown up. There is nothing much I can do about existing kids. So I appease her by teasing kids by challenging their "intellectual abilities". God, some kids think they are so smart! Duh!!

EPILOGUE

I love how I signed off Part I. So I repeat: This is what they do - they wreak havoc in your life in myriad ways and leave you no choice but to bear them with love. Even the thought of revenge is blasphemy! No wonder a baby is god's way of saying the world should go on.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! :)

Holidays!

The term has finally come to an end. So many little things make these one of the most eventful three-months of my life. And here are some of the highlights - some funny, some profound (ahem) and some outright embarrassing (not just for me).

Caution: There is boring gory detail

Dedication: Shalini Jhall (who wanted it so)

Inspiration: Ishira's post about her life at IIMB (not the graphic one) :-)

Realization: Apparently I've put on weight!

Introspection: It was a great term!

Procrastination: is not the only thief of time (facebook is a strong contender)

1. The "quick" dinner - This is totally embarrassing. Because (I can't imagine how or why I did that) I chose to spend my Friday night doing MPPO project instead of going to B-Flat with some friends. I first said no and thought about how I was missing such a great opportunity. So I said yes and got really jittery about 'all the work'. So I said no again but was devastated. So my EB roomies said we should go out for a quick dinner to Potluck, right opposite the campus gate. So when we entered, I felt an indescribable (for propriety's sake) odor take me by surprise. Don't know why we didn't just leave - we went to the corner-most table and started arguing over who should take the corner-most seat. The couple nearby said that it was not a great table since there was a rat there just a moment ago. The next moment we were back on the beautiful street and a visibly shaken Deepthi was saying, "A rat BIT me once!". We went to Status (also opposite the campus) and ordered veg. manchurian. Shalini, the vegetarian, took the first bite and it turned out to be chicken manchurian. So we took an auto to Adigas (which is also very close to the campus). We requested the waiter for extra 'gun powder' (kaaram podi) which Nutan promptly inhaled. She could effectively not eat anything later. And I don't blame her for ordering banana split in the last minute and declaring, "I don't like banana so much".

2. Unmaad - Pure fun. Was on stage during the Shankar-Esaan-Loy show. Loved painting L^2 (picture). I still have some paint-stained resumes which I was showing around to seniors (one of whom fell asleep while talking to me) for suggestions till 3 am that day :-) Ah, we had put so much fight for the summer placements. Which takes us to the next big event..

3. Summers - The run-up to which made me fall hopelessly in love with all the PGP2s! Everyone had all the time for resume tips, mock interviews and all the inspirational, motivational pep talk :-) I wouldn't call them the best days of my life, what with having to wake up at six everyday for five days in a row. But the follow-up was just awesome! It started with an amazing L^2 party and ended with an entire week of joblessness. And Sailu was with me during the placements. Which brings us to the next point..

4. Sailu - She was with me during the placements and I thought I was going to be so torn between being with her and being at the reception. But she made life so easy for me by blissfully sleeping in my room all day - I would like to believe so, at least. She claims she couldn't sleep but she took forever to open the door when I knocked so I'm happy. And to say that the long girl-talk we had outside the insti library into the wee hours life-changing would be nothing short of an understatement (courtesy Harikumar, MPPO presentation)

5. Snow - I was going to crash one afternoon when Vivek called from Pittsburgh and shouted, "Jyo! It's snowing!"

"Wow Vivek, that's awesome!"

"I know!"

"Ya.. Cool.."

"Umm.."

"So.."

"I don't have anything else to say"

"Me neither"

"Okay then, bye Jyo"

"Bye Vivek"

That just made my day!

6. Group hug - I knocked Deepthi/Shalini's room and Deepthi opened. She looked straight into my eyes. And hugged me. And didn't let go. For a long time. And just when I thought it was getting weird, Nutan came. And looked aghast. "What's going on!?" Deepthi gave her her trademark rabbit smile. And Nutan came closer. And hugged us both from behind. That was the most beautiful group-hug ever. And it was for absolutely no reason.

Looking forward to two weeks of complete joblessness!

PS: I'm making myself a gift for my birthday and it's going to be a surprise for you!

zzzzZZZZ

PROLOGUE

"I am not going to sleep in today's class."

"You don't sound like that", said Ishira.

I knew my voice gave too much away. I had woken up just a few minutes back. I cleared my throat and said, "But I am NOT going to sleep in today's class. I am going to put CP; I read the case and came."

Still the same voice. I took my water bottle and sipped a little water. "You'll see, I will not sleep today", I whispered just before the class started. I told myself Marketing is my favorite course. And looked at the professor.

Yikes!

I saw Ishira glaring at me, before turning away and raising her hand to put her CP, lest the TA catch her talking to me. But why was there Yikes? Took me a while to rewind and realize she had punched me in the shoulder. In waking moments, everything happens in slow-motion and reverse-direction. Resentment spread into every inch of my body and threatened to squirt venom through each nerve ending. I realized (very slowly) that violence was not the way out. But I was not clever enough not to look at the professor again.

CHAPTER O (because this is not a chapter)

I was voted the zzz.. Globe of section B (meaning the smartest person in the section because he/she doesn't waste time sleeping in the room or listening in the class). In my defense, I happen to be sitting at the centroid of the class; whenever I wake up, I see so many people sleeping. Poor smart people, I get all the credit.

CHAPTER O (because this is also not a chapter)

".. is called Comparative Advantage. Because Ricardo can be compared to a green plumaged bird flying over the blue seas... Yikes!"

I did a sanity check on my sanity. The Ishira glare was boring into me. I easily resisted the urge to punch her back. I turned to Karan and woke him up. And tried taking notes.

CHAPTER O (this is a lesson)

Today's class was special. We practiced Supply Chain Management even while the professor tried teaching it to us. Karan would tap on my chair. I open my eyes and see him looking at Ishira. I punch Ishira in her shoulder. This is called Bullwhip effect. Sometimes, Ishira would wake me up instead. This is Pull (opposite of the usual Push). We sometimes look at other people sleeping and laugh. This is Kaizen.

I apologize for the jargon. Couldn't reign in my enthusiasm after having learnt the practical aspects of the course so well.

CHAPTER O (well, you know...)

It's amazing the kinds of things men can get used to (courtesy Arundhati Roy). I opened my eyes and saw BP laughing at me. I smiled back at him and looked around. I was surprised at the absence of the resentment. I woke Ishira up to keep her from snoring. Meanwhile, the professor woke somebody else. The somebody else was lucky that day for a change.

EPILOGUE

The battle rages within me, day in and day out - to sleep or not to sleep. And of course, when to sleep. Until I find the strength in me to make that decision, I need to find it in me to accept it when people wish me Good night before a class and Good morning after.

For those not in sec B, Ishira sits to my right, Karan to my left and BP sits (and sleeps) across the class. Thank you Ishira and Karan, for trying to keep me up in classes :-)

I Can Never Leave

When I left the insti for the 'last' time after finally finishing my thesis and leaving the mundane technicalities of settling the hostel and other dues to my unfortunate friends, I felt nothing. It was like going home for vacation. I made sure I met everyone before leaving. And yet, it never did hit me that I was indeed leaving for good.

A couple of months later, I was back. On the way to the campus, I noted that the hoardings were teaming with the enigmatic DOCOMO signs and the flyover on the Cenotaph Road was close to completion. How fast places change, I thought, wondering how difficult it must be for NRIs to come to terms with change when they're home. The entrance to the campus had a huge board welcoming us to the 46^th Convocation of IIT Madras. Everything else was just the same; and this was more difficult to digest than the differences. I realized that I was an outsider in the place I called home for four years. And the place was just the same without me.

But as I met my friends and profs, and the day wore on, I realized that those four years of my life had taught me so many things and got me so close to some people that I couldn’t ask for more. And though my room was somebody else’s, or I was a guest in the mess, or I couldn’t use the DCF anymore, this place still was home. The long (and oh-so-walkable!) road to the main gate, the colourful GC, the bustling bus stop, the gentle rustling of the unnumbered trees, the gleaming eyes of the black buck, the chirping of the sleepless birds, all seemed to welcome me with arms wide open. It was not easy to leave this time, and I knew at once that I’ll never stop belonging here. This is home, forever.

I left with a vague sense of relief and excitement. This trip seemed to clearly mark a new beginning in my life; I was at the threshold of a whole new phase – a different place, a different culture, new faces and new challenges, and more lessons; but with the bolster of my alma mater behind me.

Oh Baby! (Part I)

Kids are scary. Robin Scherbatsky was the only enlightened one among a bunch of ignorants carried away by cute smiles and tiny socks. This weekend trip visiting my infant cousins made me see kids for what they are.

I boarded the flight having nice thoughts about the weekend. I was excited. A two-year-old and her mother were sitting next to me. As soon as she saw me, she shouted in her shrill voice "Haa Pee-Kee". She says, "Hi Pinki", her mother explained. Wow, so sweet. The plane took off when she was playing with the seat belt. And that was when it all started. It started at a bearable pitch but after a few seconds, I nearly jumped off my seat for her every wail. And she kept it going with such inspiring tenacity that, had I been deaf, my heart would have melted. She wanted the windows opened. Really? I don't mean to brag but if I have grown out of such featherheadedness, it wasn't learning or even evolution, it's a divine miracle. And the cynics need not worry about the threat of AI; such learning can never be simulated. For god's sake, it's not a car! She puked into the air-sickness bag and spilled water on her seat to spice things up a little more. After a long one hour, everything stopped. It was as abrupt as the touch down. I needed to run out of the airport to let some fresh cool air help the ringing in my ears. I never felt more liberated, more so thinking about the girl's mother

Of course, my cousins too warrant a page each in my blog but I'm going easy on them. One, they are my cousins. Two, they are so complicated. But here's some advice for you. Don't ever try to lift a baby too high up - it tries to climb higher and finally puts its foot right on your face and you'll be so lost and confused you'll nearly drop it (nearly, let's be clear on that). Don't plan on going to a movie with an infant's mother. It knows everything and will never let her go. Murphy's law applies here too! Don't say some kid is cute, the others will stop treating you well. And finally, get rid of that stupid misconception that kids are oh-so-sweet and totally desirable.

This is what they do - they wreak havoc in your life in myriad ways and leave you no choice but to bear them with love. Even the thought of revenge is blasphemy! No wonder a baby is god's way of saying the world should go on.

Walk

It was quarter to three in the morning. I couldn't sleep. An overwhelming rush of unsettling thoughts were vying with each other to occupy my insanely complicated yet (or therefore) acutely obtuse consciousness. The room was too small for them. It was stifling their competitiveness. A walk along the corridor would do. Or I could roam about the hostel.

From the balcony I heard two security guards talking about ghosts outside a well. I was surprised it didn't scare me. I walked till the library and sat outside. But I was too restless to sit. It was then that I decided to explore the lonely-walk-at-three-in-the-morning part of IIT.

The last customers were leaving CCD. A solitary couple huddled at the solitary bus stop. A noisy couple quickly walked past in favor of a noisier location. And there, standing at GC, I beheld IIT laid bare, stripped of all humanity, except of course, if you want to get into the technicalities, the couple, the security guards and myself, and not to mention the dogs, walking royally nonchalantly along the roads like they owned them, of which I took little notice. The yellow and white lights from the street lamps shone down upon me through the dense foliage, alternating between cozy shadows. The half-moon showed itself intermittently, as if to say 'I'm shining down upon you too!' (like the moon shine was its own). The faint rustle of the drowsy leaves, the chirping of the early birds (do they work hard for the worm!), distant music from a guard's radio, my middle-of-the-road footsteps, an occasional roar of an airplane flying past - this was more or less all I could hear. Wonder if anyone can hear anything else at that time of the day.

But I'll remember this walk for what it was worth. It was one of those moments when you are totally at peace with yourself and your squealing thoughts. It was when I realized that nothing mattered - my grades, my app, my CAT (the dogs). Not that I could do much even if they did which was why it was such a relief to have such a relieving realization. And then I felt what I had been trying to feel for a long time. It felt like centuries of yearning had been redeemed by that moment's respite. My knees felt weak and my head, heavy. Mission Accomplished. I felt sleepy.

How to Screw up an Interview

This was my first personal interview. It was for my summer intern, '08. I'm providing only snippets of non-CS questions, let me be left with some dignity!

Disclaimer: This is a true incident. All similarities with real-life characters are totally intended and inevitable. But names have not been disclosed for obvious reasons. And I was nervous.

Interviewer: It's alright, Jyothsni. You seem very nervous. Stay calm. Let's have an informal discussion here.
Me: Okay.

Interviewer: Your grades were good until the last sem. What happened suddenly?
Me: Well, I did badly in just one course and my CGPA went down.
Interviewer: Why?
Me: We had a bad rapport with the prof.

Interviewer: Which lab assignment, do you think, was best learning experience you had till now?
Me: Compilers
Interviewer: I'm sure you had some problems in it and were stuck at times. Who among your teammates was instrumental in getting past these obstacles?
Me: We used to discuss and figure out what to do. Cannot say who in specific.
Interviewer: No? It was never you?
Me: No.

Interviewer: What do you like to do, apart from acads?
Me: I love shopping! (And a million dollar smile)

I seriously hope they thought I was trying to screw up the interview! And ya, they're coming for placements too, with an irresistible (unreachable?) package.

Finally!

I finally put my blog up! And this is what I feel like saying first

Ah! well a-day! what evil looks
Had I from old and young!
Instead of the cross, the Albatross
About my neck was hung.

At this point, I feel neither sadness nor regret; if someday I figure out why I like this verse so much, I'd have found the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything (which I hope is better than, or at least greater than, 42).