Hungry at 5 AM

"It's 4 AM. No point going to sleep now"

"4:40 AM, precisely"

It was early Monday morning. We had just finished submitting a pointless report for a course from the previous term. Don't ask me why we're still at it. That deserves a separate post.

"Okay let's watch a movie and go directly for 8 AM class"

"Makes sense. We can sleep in class"

We spent the next 15 minutes finding and deciding on a movie to watch. And we simultaneously realized - we were super hungry. It was Sunday night (technically Monday morning) so Amul was closed, which meant no room delivery. I went downstairs to find Athicas closed. The Javagreen guy was sleeping. I was warned that trying to wake him up on a Sunday night might result in your being subject to comatose profanities. With not a single source of food available, I decided to go back.

Now Sunday night is that time of the week when one last desperate attempt is made by almost everyone on campus to set their sleep cycle right. Almost everyone. So it was not surprising that when I was walking back, I realized there was not a single human soul anywhere near me. Or even a dog! It was okay, I told myself, it's not a big deal. Just breathe slowly, no need to change the speed at which you're walking, because if something's out there to get you, it'll get you by the time you reach your room anyway. But after I climbed two flights of stairs, I realized that my horizontal displacement was zero. I closed my eyes and thought of all the people I loved. Imagine you're doing this for them, I thought. And ran. And stopped right in front of Deepthi's room and walked in casually. "Nothing's open dude"

There were exactly four people who were not idle in my gtalk list. Ping 1: My3 - "No food babes. Me off to bed!". Ping 2: Ishira - "Sorry, no food :-( ". Ping 3: Nishant - "I have biscuits. Come over" I finally found the will to live again! Yes Nishant, I'll be there right away. But we decided to be comprehensive. Ping 4: Hari sweetheart (coz honey, sugar, sweetheart, baby work very well with Hari) - "I have Goodday".

"Hey Deeps, me going to E block to get food. Why don't you fill the water bottles, look at the beautiful L-square from the B block balcony and wait there for me to come back.."

I took biscuits and namkeen from E 201 and Goodday from E 315 (may the good God bless Nishant and Hari sweetheart and E block in general) and walked back towards B block. I couldn't see anyone in the balcony overlooking L-square.

"Deepthi?"

"Yes baby I'm waiting. Come quickly!"

I did not have to run this time. I walked casually back to the room.

And thus, it was Casablanca time!

Nandi Hills

I had a bad cold. Some people would not like the way I started this post. They would say I was just faking it and trying to get all the attention. It's a sad world! Except for Nandi Hills..

2:30 PM: One random afternoon. All of us there did not have classes the next morning. We decide to visit Nandi hills. It's about a 2-hour ride from Bangalore. The peak is closed until 6 o'clock in the morning.

1:30AM: I just did not understand VG's rationale in unilaterally deciding we all start at 2:30 AM. I-ball had a class in the morning which she was not willing to bunk. It made sense to go to Nandi hills some other day. I tried to reason with him. He was adamant. I tried to be. We called each other names in our own minds.

2:00 AM: I left Madhushala with a whatever!-wake-me-up-whenever-you-wanna-leave.

3:15 AM: "LAUNDE! DD! Wake up!!", VG was banging on our doors. I woke up feeling feverish. I opened my door and DD was telling VG, "Dude I have a BAD headache!". Obviously, I said, "And I have fever :(" And not surprisingly, VG said, "Chal chal, no one's backing out now. I-ball is also coming. Get ready! We need to leave by 3:30".

3:45 AM: Over-sized super-warm jacket. Tissues for my running nose. Scarf to keep me warmer (actually more like back-up in case I ran out of tissues). Extra cold cream. Camera. Shoes. I was good to go.

3:50 AM: 3 bikes and 1 car. Optimal decisions on who gets the bikes, the window seats, the driver's seat, etc were made based on constraints like who has car-sickness, who has a cold, who has a driver's license, who has goggles, who needs to catch a flight.. oh hell, we just did an FCFS.

4:30 AM: Sirajuddhin Singh couldn't see the bump on the road in the darkness, again. "DUDEEEE!", we all shouted in unison as the car landed on the road and the non-existent shock-absorbers moaned. And immediately corrected ourselves with, "Hey chill no prob", "Happens dude, no issues", "It's alright, we understand it was dark"..

5:30 AM: After losing our way a couple of times, we were on the ghat. The refreshing smell of the eucalyptus greeted us and lifted our spirits. The mist kept getting thicker and thicker. At times, the tops of the tall trees on either sides of the road got lost in the fog. We spotted some monkeys on the way. Incidentally, Bhanu told us how, as a kid, he used to get slapped by a monkey.

5:45 AM: We reached the top and realized after looking at the long queue, it was Id. Holiday. People here, people there. People everywhere. So much for deciding to go today.

6:00 AM: The best part of a foggy public spot is that you never know how many strangers are there around you. We realized it was not going to be that bad after all. And I also realized, my cold was gone! Just like that, it was gone!

And we start walking up. We took a few pics of Dhal saab with his inside-the-pocket "Yo". There was a notice which said - "No sitting or standing on the walls". We took a few snaps standing and sitting on the wall. And a couple hanging from the stone arches. Bhargav was invariably hiding in all the pics. DD and Bhanu wanted a jumping pic when they were in the air. We took a video instead. And we took more pics. Of trees. Of funny notice boards. Of top-load and bottom-load trash cans. Of random poses. Of the fog condensing on eyelashes. Of creepy draculas. Of wannabes. Of the fog. Of walking into nothing. Of the valley. Of the hills. Of the beautiful beautiful trees. And then when we had enough, we decided to leave. I-ball had a class to attend too! Well that was just a lame reason. We all knew she wouldn't make it.

11:45 AM: Back to where I belonged. I had a long hot shower. And my cold was back. Weird, the way some things work in life..

So the trip that I was so reluctant to go on turned out to be so much fun. Thank you guys for making it so memorable! Especially, in the order of FCCBs owned, I-ball for bunking class to come along with us, VG for completely disregarding the claim that we were unwell and forcing us to come, Sirajuddhin Singh for being awesome behind the wheel, Dhall saab for being the cool dude, DD and Bhanu for the awesome 1-2-3 jumping video (here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RpAqfafI2w), Eda for the car (we so wished you also had come along), Bhargav for disappearing in all the photos and giving a freaky "The Ring" feeling, Kshitiz for being the little boy who slept and Hema for his vision for scripting the future!

Random I

Today, I woke up early for class. I showered, wore a neatly pressed cotton shirt, put my books in my bag, slipped on my new sandals, locked my room and went to the canteen. After breakfast, there was still some more time left. I felt like I was trying too hard, though I didn't know for what. It almost felt claustrophobic. I went back to my room, changed into an over-sized t-shirt, took one class notes in my hand, slipped on my bathroom slippers and went running to class without locking my door. It felt a lot better.

I wonder what is so appealing about nonchalance and disorder..

How many consultants does it take to pop a bottle of champagne?

Another consultant gets a PPO. This time I-ball decided to snub the guys and pop the champagne to celebrate her success with us. Yayyy we loveee you Ishira! And long live the consultants :)

Anyone who giggles at the cork lines shall be branded forever as a pervert.

The official photographer aka Baldilocks who happens to be a banker and also happens to be an expert in popping champagne bottles decided to stand back and watch the fun as we tried. We all tried our hand at pulling the cork out, mostly in vain. And when it finally did pop, ran helter skelter to stay away from the spewing white foam. Then of course, we all drank to the health our host.

Ishira - She took the first swig as we all cheered on. "Thank you! Hey what happened to my voice??", she squeaked. And after the bottle did a couple of rounds, she finished it bottoms up. She never stopped complaining about her voice. In her frustration, went and started hugging all the pillars on B-first. She found one near the staircase that seemed to be most comfortable and settled there.

Deepthi - First time, she smelled the bottle, wrinkled her nose and passed it on. Second time, very very carefully, she let one drop of the liquor fall into her mouth. Her entire body tensed and she twisted and nearly dropped the bottle. Third time around, she decided to be bold and took a sip. She writhed in pain. She was choking. She put her hand on her throat and groaned, "My stomach! It burns! Someone gimme some water!"

And we took some more pics. Talked about the alcohol content in champagne. We decided the effects wrought on DD and IBall could be explained. Someone suggested the cork be put back in its place. Everybody remembered CCS and dispersed.

DD found her way to the pillar IBall was stuck to and she too settled down there. You may still be able to find them hugging the pillar together when you come up the stairs.

PS: The blog title is a googly. They just cannot.

Is Facebook the Stupid Idiot?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDHb4wewAIQ

I couldn't help myself. This is in response to all the Facebook-bashing going on out there by the really cool facebookers who think their lives have been made miserable by other "senseless" facebookers. All the creative segmentation of FB users into N hilarious types of users is of course fun, I love it too. But I'd just like to take a step back and remind them all, there are three options that FB provides to all its users, unconditionally and irrevocably, in decreasing order of severity -

Option - 1: Delete

Option - 2: Untag

Option - 3: Ignore

First up, if you don't want to have fun, there is something called LinkedIn. Here's the link: http://www.linkedin.com/. It's becoming really popular, I hear. And it serves the same purpose as FB, sans all the Farmville and the who's-gonna-slap-you-today quizzes and the haha-I-beat-you-in-the-smartest-way-to-sip-your-soup contests. Go for it!

So let's see, what do we always crib about?

Random status updates - I am assuming that if you're adding someone as your "friend", you know that person. If you're adding people randomly (coz it's oh-so-cool to have so many friends on FB) and complaining about someone kicking you with a virtual shoe, you're a moron. Don't even bother reading any further. Now, if you're not interested in knowing that someone ate blueberry pie for breakfast or wore stilettos to last night's party, there is something very simple that you have to do - option 3 - IGNORE. No one is asking you to check your FB wall every half an hour and like/comment on/like someone's comment/comment that you dislike every status update/photo that appears there.

Tagging - Ever heard of people untagging themselves? There are people who add relatives/bosses/colleagues on FB. Fine, your call. But stop whining when someone tagged a pic of you passed out on the footpath or posted a status update on how you threw up on the waiter last night. Please refer to option 2 above. On a more cruel note, if you don't want to be found doing something, don't do it! Simple.

Quizzes - I think they're fun! If you don't agree, see option 3.

Stalkers - Come on now, lets not flatter ourselves. They are just people like everyone with the obsessive compulsive urge to comment on everything FB posts on their wall. And I thought you posted something so that the world knows about it anyway..

Farmville - Somehow, the people who whine the most about getting bugged by this are the ones who check FB for updates every half an hour and are the promptest to reply to posts. Others don't care enough to do a market segmentation of facebook users. I find that puzzling, and even a little disturbing. If someone is your friend, accept (read ignore) the fact that they are obsessed with farmville or random quizzes or whatnot. You got tagged in an app that finds the biggest imbecile on FB? At the cost of sounding repetitive, refer to the three options above.

So all the smartass FB-critics all around, if you're wasting your "precious" time liking comments on FB or getting tagged and becoming scandalous revelations to nosy cousins or bugging yourself over somebody's exploits in mafia/you-are-my-sweetheart-of the-day quizzes, there is only one person to blame - you. Period.

Chronicles of a Lounge Undone

They say all good things come to an end. This one never even fully began. Sigh..

We had wanted to make a lounge between the B and C blocks in our hostel for a long time now. By the end of the summer, I was so excited by it that I even started posting on Facebook that we're going to make the BC Lounge as soon as college starts. For the first 2 weeks after we were back, the only thing on our minds was the lounge. I never saw so much single-minded dedication in such a large group of people. We even had a shared googledoc by the name BC Lounge for keeping track of expenses.

We decided that it was going to be a happy lounge. It was going to be bright and colorful and a place where we could sit and drink coffee while it rains or enjoy the sunshine with a nice book. Some hard-core filter coffee fan (read tam (read DJ)) even suggested a coffee vending machine. It was going to be made from scratch, including the "table". Several trips were made to Jayanagar and hardware stores to get curtains and bedspreads and cushions and what-not. We decided it was going to have transparent blinds which serve the dual purpose of keeping the rain away and making it bright during the day. We used to imagine how awesome it would look with the raindrops on the transparent sheets in the night lights. We were going to have a grand inaugural party with everyone we knew and lotsa cheese-burst pizza (and filter coffee)...

Of course there were pitfalls and idiosyncrasies and idiocies. We couldn't get transparent sheets so we had bought transparent table cloths to stitch them together to make the blinds. We found one friendly tailor who had a lot to talk, could not tell that 6 feet is 72 inches, made it very clear that he thought our idea was ridiculous but nonetheless had a somewhat endearing demeanor and took up the challenge with such determination it re-instilled my faith in the inherent goodness of human nature. He later made a couple of distress calls frantically saying it was impossible to stitch them together to make such a large blind. DD was understanding and suave and persuasive and convinced him to make one anyway. But he was adamant about not stitching the other one. We decided that that window would be left open for the breeze.

We needed curtain rods to hang the blinds. They had to be 12 feet long. We did not think about how to carry them to the campus until after we bought them and were about to hail an auto. I-ball was bold enough to talk to the auto guy, hold the 12-feet curtain rods vertically on the side of the auto, ignore intrusive glances from everyone on the road, not give in to the pain when the rods hit the high branches of the trees by the road (and sent a shower of falling leaves behind us) and all the time converse in the most natural fashion while I tried slinking into one corner of the auto and disappear and cursed the one who came up with the idea of the lounge. Once back on campus, we did not have to take the stairs to carry them upstairs - one of us just went up and took the standing rods from below.

One day, after some serious GD about the lounge, I said something on the lines of "Yayy the BC lounge is going to be ready soon!" which drew a lot of scandalized glares and someone shouted, "For GOD's sake, will you PLEASE stop calling it the BC lounge?!?" It was then that it dawned on us that it was high time we give a name to the lounge. It was the most hilarious discussion I was ever a part of. We came up with names from Caravan to Car to Garage to Beetle to Shoe to Pumpkin to just The Lounge. Other out-of-the-box suggestions worth mentioning - Strapless, Victorious Secret, The Marsh (as home to Schnappy the cute Alligator), How We Met Each Other, Country Bumpkins Lounge (CB Lounge), Harlem (from one uncle), Whats-up lounge and Day-glo. The Burrow came up a little late and was first shot down the way every suggestion was shot down with inexplicable vengeance. It was only when Teju let everyone know that Manasa was going to stand in the middle of the road till a bus hit her unless we make peace that things settled down and we zeroed in on The Burrow, thanks to Johari.

We had to put several night-outs to set things up. We even painted the "table" ourselves. It looks really nice in the pic (inset), but I can't say the same about it in reality. But we hadn't taken into the account the most fatal issue - dogs. We tried everything to keep them away, including naphthalene balls, but settled to keeping everything covered under old flexi banners. We did not want to formally inaugurate the lounge until we found a permanent solution to this problem. We were considering more cruel methods like pepper or DDT to keep them away. But meanwhile, someone complained about lounges in the hostel. There was going to be an inspection. They dismantled everything and locked it up in A-213. That is where everything still lies, undone. Sigh..

Summer Internship '10

"Joey: Here's your ticket.

Chandler: Thanks. Hey, listen, I'm never gonna lie to you again. And i want you to know that nobody thinks you're stupid.

[Chandler looks at ticket and turns around]

Joey: Thanks, man. Hey, where you going?

Chandler: Game is tomorrow night, man."

Hong Kong is an awesome place to live. I had the time of my life during my two months of internship there. You are usually torn between where you wanna go, the hills or the sea. HK is a place that has both. And more - a clean city, convenient means of transportation, exciting hang-out places, the ferry, the peak, the brilliant skyline, shopping, Macau. And I had an awesome bunch of people to hang out with.

Okay enough praise for HK, let's get down to business.

o Size - Starbucks had a promo saying, "Choose your size!". It reminded me of Bebo's size zero and I said, "How I wish we really could..".

Armani, "You can right, that's what they said".

"No I meant, choose your own size"

"Huh?"

"YOUR size"

"What are you saying??!!"

"No no not THAT size!"

Kush - "What the hell are you guys talking about?!?!"

"Heyyy I meant your SIZE! Like.. like waist size.. and height! and -"

"That's so not what you meant! Pervert!"

"No, YOU are one! You went too far and -"

"YOU were the one who -"

.. and it still goes on ..

o Strip club - We were walking back home after dinner one weekend and I see a strip club signboard.

"Hey has anyone been to a strip club before?"

"Why? Do you want to go?"

"No! I was just asking -"

"I know you want to go, you can tell us"

"Hey no! I was just curious -"

"Nothing wrong in being curious, just say you wanna go"

"NO! I DON'T wanna go. I was just -"

"You've changed! Never knew you'd be interested in these kind of things :)"

"Hey for God's sake! I didn't -"

"Haha, Jyo, first Asahi, now this!"

"Asahi was for purely academic reasons!"

"So when are you going?"

"I give up"

And I still didn't get the answer to my first question.

o Airport Express - You think you're careless and unorganized and scatterbrained all the time? Okay listen to this. It was a random country. It was in a metro station. We checked in the airport express for the flight back home. We left our baggage trolleys randomly lying around near the escalator and were pretty impressed by the quick 30-minute express to the airport. We even took a lot of pictures. When I got off, I looked for my boarding pass and passport. And I realize, the boarding pass and the poassport were lying around in the random trolley I had left behind at the escalator. Some kind soul found it and Cathay Pacific sent it to the airport by the next express. It meant 30 minutes less for our last-minute duty free shopping. In his mind's eye, Puneeth imagined I would be hanging around in HK for a few more days, at best. I wonder why such a thought never even crossed my mind. The only thing I was worried about was the unconverted HKD which I might not be able to spend shopping at the airport. When you're young and the whole world lies in front of you with all its possibilities and opportunities, you think nothing can ever go wrong. Sigh...

o AquaLuna - It's an amazing traditional chinese junk boat. When you go to Hong Kong, DON'T miss it. I did. The website said the schedule was "21:45 22:45", not "from 21:45 to 22:45". We were so excited when we arrived at the pier on our last night in HK at 22:40 hrs. The rest, they say, is despondency. The depression led to a binge in LKF that night.

o The bus ride - I was very excited by the way I had become one of those people who regularly use public transport and know all the numbers of buses which go from anywhere to everywhere. Swetha, Pradeep and I had gone shopping, by bus. Swetha was very hungry and wanted to take the taxi back so we could cook and eat hot rice, pappu and karampodi. But I, the knowledgeable one, said that there's a direct bus which would drop us right in front of Bishop Lei. So we take the bus and it takes us really close to Bishop Lei.

.

.

Swetha: Jyo we're pretty close, I think we should get off here..

Me: Hey no, it'll stop right in front of Bishop Lei, we'll know

.

we pass a lot of familiar streets

Me: See, we're on the right way

we pass more streets..

.

.

Swetha: Jyo I'm hungry

Me: Hey we're almost there

.

.

The bus was almost empty. We reached some petrol bunk kinda place

Swetha: Heyyy this is the last stop!

Me: No, he's just getting petrol, then we'll go to Bishop Lei

Pradeep: No Jyo, this is the last stop

And the bus driver gave us a look that had a sinister finality to it. We got off and took a taxi back. Looked like we had long crossed the beloved Bishop Lei..

But I still wonder why the guy parked the bus in a petrol bunk..

o Agave, Lan Kwai Fung (LKF) - There was a super senior (pun intended) who was buying drinks for everyone. Armani was, as usual, being grandfatherly. And talli. Placecom stories (read jokes) were flying around - Puneeth did not seem to mind. Rathee was singing hymns for culcom. Swetha and Pradeep were being the sane people. Sunny wanted to run away, but there was a group of tall guys around him not letting him go. He was pleading, he was saying it wasn't fair to someone. Manav was trying to trick people into taking extra Anusmaran merchandise with them. Kush was celebrating being the alpha. I looked at my watch, for a long time. I said, "It's one thirty exactly. let's leave by two thirty". Pradeep, the sane one, said, "It's two o'clock Jyo".

o Back home - Kush had a flight to Ahmedabad at 5:40 am. On reaching Mumbai, we go to the incredibly slow baggage claim area (I mean, INCREDIBLY slow) and switch on our cell phones. I look at the time and get really worried, "Kush it's 4:40! You'll be late!". Kush, coolly - "That's HK time Jyo".

And of course people say they still love me..

Oh Baby! (Part II)

PROLOGUE

When I wrote Part I, I had no clue that I was going to write a Part II. Call it divine providence or the latent knowledge that infant-power is immense, and unshakable as one might be, there are always short periods of doubt. I wavered..

LOGUE

Popu is one plus, I guess. You can find him in the mess watching Cartoon Network while his mother fed him. He's one of the cutest people I've ever seen. But he is an infant. So I tend to maintain my distance. Alas, I'm human, and yes, I wavered.

So the other day, I was having lunch with Priyanka and watching MTV when Popu came with his mother and sat next to me. The channel obviously changes to CN. Fond as I am of cartoons, I seriously considered going and eating somewhere else. But I decided to stay and have fun, for a change. He was soon completely engrossed in the cartoon in which huge colorful robots were blasting each other up. Finding this very funny, I turned to Priyanka and said, "Look at him! I'm sure he doesn't understand a thing. Watch".

I turned to him and asked, very slowly and very clearly, "What's going on there?"

It was a bold move. He did not even look at me. I turned back to Priyanka and said, "See!"

Suddenly, I felt him pulling at my hand. I turned to him (phew). He said, "Robo! bam bam bam baaaam", with waving hands and wide, perturbed eyes. And then continued to watch. Priyanka and I went, "Awwww.. So cuteeee!" During the ads, he even showed me his drawing book, with his mouth stuffed with food. I was starry-eyed for the rest of the afternoon.

I later sat down to think how I had become capable of despising such cute, innocent and totally adorable kids. I went as far as my memory would allow and the painful incident was not difficult to zero in on. I was twelve. A bunch of cousins and I were sitting around a one-year old and he was going around hugging and kissing everyone. I cannot believe I took part is such a silly ritual. When my turn came, he just turned away! I called him and very enthusiastically said, "Me too! Me too!" He came back and slapped me. And of course, everyone was laughing till they cried.

Traumatic as the experience had been, it opened my eyes to a very important and understated fact - putting up with kids is hell. They are definitely cute - from a distance. Adorable - I don't think so! You see a couple walking hand-in-hand like all the happiness in the world belongs to them. And then do you wonder why they become this other couple which is having hell with their baby while trying to have a simple DBC? Socially, they probably believe it's their responsibility to give back to the society, since they too had been kids once. But this is definitely not helping check population growth! Scientifically, they probably want to propagate their superior jeans. But come on, everyone has jeans. Spiritually, perhaps the child is a symbol of their love and bonding. So they give up on 20-30 years of marital bliss, to be a happy (old) couple once again at sixty. Guess that's life; too much philosophy for me to ponder over.

The twelve-year-old-jyo keeps popping up in my head every now and then saying, "Avenge me!" But that one-year-old has grown up. There is nothing much I can do about existing kids. So I appease her by teasing kids by challenging their "intellectual abilities". God, some kids think they are so smart! Duh!!

EPILOGUE

I love how I signed off Part I. So I repeat: This is what they do - they wreak havoc in your life in myriad ways and leave you no choice but to bear them with love. Even the thought of revenge is blasphemy! No wonder a baby is god's way of saying the world should go on.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! :)